salmon fishing in the yemen is proving predictable. an easy read , it isn’t funny in the slightest. i have no connection with the make proagonist who is a wet limp character. i dont feel sorry for his life or his cirumstances, nor do i find them funny becuase they are a  parody of childlessness. he is weak and insipid.

i have no desire to keep reading this book, not becuase its overly wordy, au contraire, its piss easy to read, just bloody boring.

———

i capture the castle.

loved it, but the ending was shit – and the author was doing what cassandra herself ha mentioned int he book – tryig to leave the book at a point where you think about the charaters afterwards. she failed on that account.

i need a new book

i seem to have had a sudden flurry of interest yesterday – for no reason i can fathom.

so dh and i went into town saturday just for a look round, when we came back ds1 was all scratched up and he and the gf had had a  fight.  he called the police. very proud of him.

so she’s back living here.

yeah i know, like i havent got enough on my plate.  she washed the pots and tidied the sides.

i am a ‘250 pro’ at poker

she liked the hyacinth – it flowered

she liked the bhuda

i didn’t give her the sunflower can, it was all too much for her.

ez ha a college interview tomorrow

i am supposed to give this bazzin presentation in head office on wednesday, thats not going to happen. not really sure what to do about work.

Nan died.

salad sanwiches, cut into triangles with peeled tomatos

spring cabbage

plate meat pie

meat and tater pie with a crust

carrying the violin arse end front

warming my knicks on the hearth

fry’s chocolate bar – the red one.

being the tooth fairy.

mischka

niggy

getting the coal fire reading in the morning

mucky jokes

loves

kisses

advice

blackberry picking

Laburnum tree

Magicky cream

Magicky Draw

Magicky brush

Bang your other elbow and have a wish

’secret drawer’ in the sewing machine ( that everyone knew of)

the beautiful hollywood nightgowns bought for me

neil diamond

the monster hits album

aunty goes back to work tomorrow and i will go  up and do what i can for nan until weekend at least. i have prepared ‘Salmon Fishing in the Yeman’ to read. i figure that i could either read it to her, or when i am in the living room – as she can’t leave the bedroom, i think its better to read a book than watch crappy telly, esp. daytime telly.

My exceptionally good friend rang tonight and said that we should go to pictures to watch slumdog millionnaire – so we shall! we shall also get pissed on vodka and dirty rotton ciggies.

i have prepared a few pressies for nan.

i got her a Bhudda on an elephant ornament, tis very nice, she likes bhudda. she likes the whole wheel of life philosophy – and well us catholics make shit up sometimes – she likes to think that things aren’t coincidence – they are phycic or portentious!

i also got her a card from the kids and a little teddy DD said he is called ‘Freddy’ teddy – makes sense.

i also got her a sunflower in a can.

and a hyacinth – small ish bulb sat on top of moist soil – will bloom in about a week or so i reckon and i think she will live it

would like toremind her of spring, and of her garden, she likes her garden and looks forward to spring, so might give her some motivation.

my v. good friends brother died last year and she and her mother couldnt aford to actually get the ashes from the funeral director = i am going to make discrete enquiries and see whats what.

Have turned the heating off for the year – “put a coat on if your cold” i announced. it seems that i am the only one bloody cold! that figures.

i am addicted to facebook poker. aiming for  ’250 pro’ dh is well jealous. he plays a few games on facebook – like mafia wars etc – and his motivation is to be the best – the furthest, the higest, the strongest, he cant stand it that i am winning….nay trouncing him.

i bet he plays it all the time he has spare when i am gone!

back friday fingers crossed.

Bloody case in point.  between writing the title to this post – and writing this post ..another ding -dong with the kids. DD asks me ” can i lend some money?”

“is this becuse your bum brother hasn’t given you the £15 pounds you lent him from your paper round?”

“no, i just think i will need more!”

“no”

“you always lend <ds1> money” she states  whilst stompoing off up the stairs

picture the scene – *I* am left looking at the stomping off daughter – whilst holding *her* newly washed woollen coat which i have put on a hanger to dry – on a notch above the dryer – becuase it can’t be tumble dried and she wants a nice coat to wear to her new boyfriends..tomorrow.

“NO i don’t, …i am talking to you, don’t walk of whilst i am talking to you, its rude!”

ding – dong

this is one of many – today

the ones i can remember

last night whilst washing up for 11 people after sunday tea and dessert – thats 11 plates knives forks cooking utensils, colander, steamer, 3 baking trays and two pans that were left to soak when i asked ds1 to wash up the say before. 11 cups and asorted glasses and additional cups and glasses gathered from around the bouse.

i washed up – becuase thats what i do – dh cooks the dinner – i wash up – its fair.

the gf askes me if i need any help – i tell her not at the moment but if she and ds1 wouldn’t mind, tomorrow i have a man fitting blings and i would like them to just tidy the bit of the garden you can see from the back door where one of the blinds is being fitted.    I should add – that i am asking this as its a bit of a mess becuase dh didn’t do his job this week of taking the bins out. so we are a bit swamped and the foxes have got at one of the bags – you get the picture.

so we have as an additional bin – a metal bin.  ds gets sweeing brush and brishes it round the oher side of the bin – he doesn’t pick uit up

i am trying to keep my temper – all i seem to do is have a go at him. ” are you going to pick that up” i ask

” nuffin to pick it up wiv”

so i go over with my hand and pick it up and put it in a bag – he comes in and sits down., i wash hand and dinish oing the washing up from last night, i clean the sides in the kitchen and take the rubbish out.  i then get the dustpan and sweep it properly

please note the gf who offered did shit all and ds did shit.

by this point i am practically boiling, my bubbles have bubbles over, and i wait til the gf goes upstairs and i keep reasonably calm and i tell him how i think i am being pretty fucking patient considering hes not paying any fucking board money ( oh he asked to borrow money earlier, i told him i would give him a fiver for cleaning out my car, he looked at me is disgust and said no.) i am paying *his* fucking over draft becuae he has seriously fucked up with the bank to the tune of 500 poounds. i tell him how he washed up three times last week and only if i asked, he wouldn’t think of say polishing the table just so make me happy – oh no. i went on for a bit – he went out when i finished.

ds 1 and ds2 have been fighting

ds2 and dd had an argument over earphones – so i took them off both of them.

ds2 wanted a bike frame for his borthday – he was looking on ebay – i told him i wan’t buying bike bits that would be left all over my front or back garden – wating my money on bits that will probably never see the whole thing put together.  so i look and i find a BMX the style he wanted – i google images – he looks a a picture – i phone the guy i arrange to go and see it tomorrow at around 5 , i tell him its not for tricks its for going to school

<mutter> ” huh going to school boring, i wnat to do tricks, anyway thats what they were originally made for”

he gives me a load of shit and i am telling him that if he wants a trick bike – he is going to have to get a job and save the 500 quid it costs for  FUCKING TRICK BIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

“fuck it we won’t go, you can have birthday money in an envelope – i#m done”

its not like i am being unreasonable – i am fucking trying here to do the right thing – i start off giving people chances or looking for birthday presents.

it gets better after i tidies the kitchen sides this am – ds made himseld cereal and left bowl and cereal packet and milk on side – i put it away angrily – he come down stairs later and i go right up to his fce and i ell him ” if you eave anything out on the side again i will scape your nose on the floor and you will be a noseless person” semi threaten/ comic thing going on – right he gets it

daughter leaves butter out  – i tell her the ame thing

i go into kitchen and i find the butter and the breqd left on the side – in a rage i pick both up storm upstaris and launch at dd in her room

she picks them up and says ” mum it was <ds2> who made toast last”

so i launch at him and apologise to dd.

so i offer ds2 – want to clean my car out for a fiver – he says yes at first becuase he wants some spray paint for his frame ( that he already has in pieces in my back garden) then when he found out about the posiblility of a new bike he said “nah, i don’t need the spray paint now”

so i asked dd, seeing ask she wants extra money to go to her boyfriends – to be honest, he lives ages away and the train far will be massive – so she is as we speak. i think she has learned her lesson not to lend ds1 money becuase she works hard for hers and now she has worked twice as hard.

was pretty great atually.  woke up unfashionably and uncharacteristically early to DH giving me a card.  i never expected a card and its a larvely card too. i didn’t think he would be arsed but he was and that meant a lot – i gave him my card and we exchanged the presents that we bought last week together.

We went to the bank to transfer some money and get a bankers cheque for the lump sum off the mortgage.

it then occured to me that we still have a chunk left over and my car is definatley on its way out – SIL wants it for when she passes her test and BIL is a mechanic, he thinks that the reason the water cooler tank needs refilling quite a lot is becuse the head gasket need skimming and he can get that done through work, so they can have the car gratis – its done me proud that little sciento, only 2 weeks ago it did another 600 mile round trip and i didn’t spare it becuase i thought mynan was about to pop her clogs any minute so i fairly floored it.  its battered and i haven’t kept it well at all, there are no dents on it ofcourse, but there are plenty of scratches, its a nippy little fucker around town  and i drive it like my own personal race car.

so we started looking at prices of cars we went to 6 different showrooms from here to Brighton and we looked substantially on line, i even test drove an 02 immaculate toyota MR2, blardy larvely – but a ‘cock’ car

“hey, have you seen a Copen?” asks dh

“a what?” so i Googled it and its blardy larvely, after further investigation, i only boody found on in my town with exceptionally low mileage.

we went to see it today, did a bit of haggling, getting them to throw in a years warrenty and a brand new spanking MOT and  well reader….i blardy bought it.

we went to see it today

deffo – no business venture – its off the cards due to ds1’s bumminess.

the meeting with my boss went well, i have a senior management meeting with all the big whigs and i have a chance to put right the fuck up i made at the beginning of my employment ( a report) which led to said director being disapointed – god i hate disapointment – give me anger any day.

so thats good – i am going to work very very hard to get this thing right.

i have ben revising poems with dd for her GCSE eng lit – my god! could they pick  more boring stuff

at  least the theme is clear – it all looks pretty god damned simple to me .

we bought her some revision books and the english one tells her how to set out the structure of her exam paper

i made her say it  whilst i crossed my eyes and rocked back and forth. and then said – “when you are in an exam, remember me cross =eyed rocking back an forth, smile, take a breath and remember the structure”

she is a whole load of pants in exams – seriously – its not one of those excuses that mums say when they have thick kids – she really is pants.

dh and i are trying to convince ds2 to go to evening class to re-sit the maths he is going to fail.

he said he would if i went with him

i said i wouldnt go so that he could either – show me up by being a pratt, or call me names becuase i am as thick as a donkeys donger at maths.

he promised he wouldnt do either

so i might be doing my *4th* gcse maths 

1st – failed

re-sit 6th form – failed

nvq equiv – quit!

i am reading ‘I capture the castle’ by dodie smith, for a book, not really about a lot, i am quite taken with it.  It was read as the book club thing on MN, and when it came time for review and discussion, some people came on mockingly “oh my god i camt believe your readin this, isn’t it for 9 year olds”

really 9 year olds! clever These 9 year olds to understand the art or literary or music or scholarly references.

i have ordered Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, i paid for super fast delivery rather than Free slow, becuase as i am off oop north i shall take it with so if i decide to drop into a travel lodge becuase i can’t smile and be polite one second longer, i shall have something to read.

DH has gone to darts for the first time since xmas i think!

dh is smoking again but trying to hide it!

I am trying to drink lots of water, its certainly helped allieviate a UTI i think i have but have no time to get checked out.

i went shopping at the tesco near work – the evian water was on sale to 33p – so i bought the remainder of a box.  i know i am supposed ro drink 8 glasses, but lighter life diet ( which i am not doing) said 8 litres! any way i am trying to drink more water  to fill me up – its working – but the point i want to make it – farking hell what blardy larvely water evian is!

Right! i a going to see whats on at the pictures and i might take dd. or i will watch ’sideways’ critically acclaimed – so probably a right old pile of highbrow toss bad wankstain.

will let you know.

Her eyes were checked ( which is what the doctor was called for, they thought she had a bled behind the eyes) but the optician said he was disgusted that she had been released from hospital care in the state that she was in .

Aunty and nan had already  spoken and nan was adament that she wanted to come home no matter what the hospital said.