ok not so mad anymore
right then, washed up for the five thousand and tidied the kitchen.ds1 unscrewed cooker and we found out it wasn’t the an that was causing the trouble, took a brief look at the dishwasher – but we don’t know what we are doing.
will phone the council later and ask themif a pitch i have in mind would be feasible.
I am so mad
Yesterday, i said to ds1 ” tomorow, i have the day off, You are helping me tidy up”
“ok”
“will you help me try to fix the dishwasher and the cooker?”
“i don’t know what i’m doing”
“me either”
“sure”
“halogen lighbulbs too – never done those before”
“ok”
then maybe we can have a scout around some industrial estates int he car – for a pitch”
“yeah”
see the thing is this, i am offereing to set ds1 up in business, his own burger van! i know don’t laugh. but i am pretty desperate to try and give him the motivvation to do something, so i thought if we go into businesstogether- maybe he will work hard at it.
only he has done nothing.
i have phoned the council i have ofund out what regs, ihve looked at vans, i have busniness planned, he had done nothing
its Dh’s birthday today.
10am, ds1 still in bed – me in dressing gown – knock at door – its the GF
ds1 has arranged for her to come round so they can go into town to buy dh a birthday present.
“have you got my board money?”
“i’ve just got up”
i went upstairs to get dressed, and suddenly they both have fucked off.
———
so here i am with a broken cooker and dishwasher, quite frankly i am mad. – my house is a shithole – i am so mad. i want to shout at dh
OH SHIT I AM SO MAD – YOU LEAVE YOUR SHIT EVERYWHERE, ONLY ME DOES ANYTHING BECUASE YOU WORK SUCH LONG FUCKING HOURS
my kitchenlooks like i have catered for 100 people and not washed up.
its not fucking fair. 5 practically adults live here
so mad
non smoker …..day 27
oh yes,
i smoked when i got drunk…..
but i am at the stage where i am sooooooooooooo not craving them
and sooooooooooooo not thinking about them
but i do notice that there is an awful lot of smoking still hapening in tv and films.
tut tut
huzzah for moi
Nan is Improving….and other stuff
I phoned this morning, she is getting about with a zimmer, she is complaining and she has acepted that she will have more help at home and is due to see a social worker tomorrow.
sounds good!
God, i have been ill, it hink its the running up north and then running back and work stuff – that i fucked up is back on track becuase i met with boss a-la rhubarbs suggestion and smoothed things over – sans crying!
and he was stuck in a car with me and could see i was terribly ill.
i am going to embark on a diet. and you will follow me on my journey.
i think i have to wait to get paid first
dh’s burpday tomoz. happy burpday. He lured me earlyto bed yesterday evening then fell proptly to sleep.
he tried again this evening i told him i was staying up!
fell asleep indeed.
Nan is getting better
heart failure, water retention, low blood pressure, chest infection, catheterised, saline drip, CO2 retention, Oxygen mask
then she fell in the night on the ward t trying to go to the toilet
then she was so confused that she tried getting in other peoples beds.
aunty tells me she doesn’t remember much from the last few days – so i asked if she remembers me visiting her and aunty said yes, but it wasnt convincing.
anywayshe is getting better and they might let her home after this weekend with an oxygen thingy – not that she will wear it.
Fucked up
My head has been up my arse since going up north to visit my nan – a 600 mile round trip isn’t to be sneezed at ( or is i’ll tell you later) its a bloody long way, its bloody tiring and i have been left feling exhausted.
so i have my monthly appraisel at work yesterday – only *I* didn’t show up until an hour later – by which time, my boss who travelled all the way from london had left and travelled all the way back up again.
oh…it gets better…
we wake up this morning – i am supposed to go to london to meet with boss and other collegues for a meeting that has been arranged for months….
“mum its my college interview today!”
“shit, shit, fuck, shit”
“i can’t find my letter, i don’t know what to bring, i need to shower, i;m running late”
“i can’t take you i’m in london”
“oh”
its 20 miles east in a town we have been shopping in…once
so i phoned boss and explained
he isnt happy
he isnt happy at all
he mentioned a meeting with the regional director on friday after which he wants to speak to me.
i am sure they have to give me warnings for fuckwittedness before firing me.
i applied for three jobs yesterday, good fucking job too – i am such a fuck up
- oh and as is usually the case, stress and a long journey = me being ill
i have a cold and when i am ill, i dont just have a bit of a sneeze i literally lie down on the settee and die for three days. this isn’t good at all.
shit
nans in hospital
we made friends and its a good job too or else my guilt would have killed me – so i am going up there early morning and spending the weekend, going to go out get wankered tomorrow night – think we are going to the comedy store – lets see.
see nan in hospital – run people around in the car
fluid on the lungs
Lazy Sunday
still in dressing gown, i know i know, i have to buy sunday dinner for 10 yet. although no-one ever likes it – i don’t know why we continue to do this pissing competition,. i might speak to dh about it.
they come to my house and dont eat – they don’t complain, they just eat the meat and leave everything. so i am not putting in any effort.
its sausage and mash
with strudle ( that they don’t like ) but i do so fuck it.
I want this
Only a small panel of the busy curtains though, I shall dust off my sewing machine
DID DH Get Made Redundant?
Day 7, non smoker. it was on my mind quite a bit actually. I still feel like shit. haven’t eaten anything until just now. A nice itallian sausage tortollini thing. I hope it doens’t get worse.
stats are still up quell surprize.
DD is going on a religous retreat. No, really. 4 days. Its quite funny really, this is totally nothing to do with God and all about being away from home with friends.
DS did it last year, again, same reasons – only he declared himself Bhuddist a couple of years ago to avoid going to church. He has told DD all about the reflections, and times of solitude – but she is insistant!
I told her she needs toget her pill ppresciption before she goes
“I won’t be having sex on a retreat Mother!” she says ” Dodgy woman you are!”
Last night DH tells me that there is a big meeting at his work and its going to go one of a couple of ways.
they lose the contract
they keep the contract and he gets sacked
Or he gets promoted!!
SO… they had the meeting, DH KNOWS beyond any shadow of a doubt that he is the dogs bits, he is an egotist anyway, but they positivley play into his hands, he works v. hard and it shows.
trouble is, the company he used to work for got took over by a bigger company, and there has been a systematic weeding out of the old staff. Yesterday quite a senior bloke got the push for ‘not being a company man’ apparently.
Now DH does not a tosseth give who pays him, as long as he is paid.
They tried to bring in somone above him with less experience. DH said “NO” flat out. He told me he was really proud of himself sat opposite a director and standing his ground, but he knows his worth.
They had a conflab, talked about a joint thing, but the new person was a recommendation from another director, they hadn’t met her before and were not impressed by the cut of her job today
Dh is pretty certain he is getting a promotion – it won’t be joint, he is going to ask for a substantial pay increase and that means he is entitled to the next strata of company car.
I hope it works out for him.
At least he isn’t being made redundant. thats a relief.
